Wednesday, February 10, 2016

Units of Measure

Immeasurable.  This is a word and concept that I have never personally liked.  I like to think that I live in a world where I can give a value to most anything.  I know what you are saying at the computer right now.  There are things that cannot be assigned a number like love or life.  You would be right.  We cannot measure love or life.  I think those are the exception to the rule.

This was Marcelina Espinoza Bacani.  She was my Aunt.  We lovingly called her Tita Nenette.  She recently passed away.  We buried her last week.  I do not want to get into the details of how it happened.  I want to speak of the impact of her life and death to me and my family.

She was beautiful.  She lead a beautiful life and had a beautiful family.  The loss pains me in works that I cannot really express.  She lived a world away from me.  I seldom spoke to her.  I seldom saw her.  Yet, I knew her as a second mother.  Always greeted me with a smile, kiss and a hug.  She had a wicked sense of humor that runs in the family.  She was always 4 steps ahead but never let you know it.  I always believed her to be a "typical" Filipino aunt.  Always with the gossip but with love abundant.  I would say that it was an honor just to have had the pleasure of being in her life.

I believe in my heart that she held on for the last 3 months of her life to accomplish 2 missions.  Fist was to being my family back together.  Again, I do not want to go into the details but my family had been torn apart for some time now.  I believe she made it a mission on her death bed to bring my family together.  She accomplished this mission.  For this, I am and will forever be in her debt.  The second mission was to bring her children closer to my side of the family.  We were not estranged because of drama or what not.  We were apart because of the distance and time.  We reconnected and I will try to keep that connection.

She was about family.  She loved her family with all of her heart.  She loved and was loved in return.
So I circle back.  How do you measure a life?  How do you measure love? We cannot.  Her life, love and death was immeasurable.  For anyone to try to do so would only soil her memory.

Goodbye Tita Nenette.  I love you.  I hope you and Mama are together.  I hope you two can keep each other company.  I know one day we will meet again.  Until then.

The End

Tito Ceas

Your cup will be empty until you decide to fill it.

Tuesday, February 9, 2016

Where did I go?

Wow.  Has it been this long since I have written something?  It almost feels like I forgot a piece of who I am and that kinda really sucks.  So here I am again, trying to find me I guess.  That is a bold statement I think.  So many people in this world roam around lost trying to find a direction.  More often than not we stay lost, which is very sad.

The word maintain comes to mind.  That is our new mindset now a days.  Gone are the days of grow and be better.  Gone are the days of lifting each other up and making each other better.  We look into the world and see a reflection of ourselves period.  We used to believe in each other and ourselves.  Now we just tread water to keep from drowning.

Here is the funny thing about maintaining one constant state of mind and life all the time.  We get used to it.  We get institutionalized.  I am reminded of one of my favorite movies ever, Shawshank Redemption.  One of the characters says that at first we hate the walls, then we get used to them, then we grow to depend on them.  A friend of mine just recently became debt free.  He told me that it is the weirdest feeling in the world.  He felt that he needed to create more debt to feel "normal",

This is who we are now.  We are no longer people that strive for more or better.  We stay because we are afraid of more or less.  We dream of more... stuff but no substance.  When we have more stuff we yearn for the simple days.

I ask why.


The End

Tito Ceas

A little rough around the edges but I will get there again soon.